If I'm being honest, I struggle with the concept of blogging because I never assume anyone would want to hear what I have to say or that anything said could be note-worthy. Just as I assume many others would agree, in my eyes, I am still very much an amateur in this sport. Some may interpret that as a lack of self-confidence but I can't imagine winning the overall was fueled by low self-esteem. If anything, I just want to maintain a humble attitude. I digress. When David asks for a blog post, you give him a blog post! So with that saying, here's my meet re-cap of 3/16/2019.
In my opinion, Saturday was a success as a whole. I didn't put up the exact numbers I had envisioned prior to game time but I did hit new meet PR's on all of my lifts and added 85 lbs. to my total from November. My second attempt on squat with 310 went smoothly. I missed my third attempt with 330. My third attempt on bench was a close fail at 190, second attempt was a successful 180. I ended the day with a 375 lbs. deadlift and an 865 total. There were several minor aggravations and obstacles throughout the day that I'm sure played a factor in my missed lifts but ultimately it's my responsibility to bring it. I tried to make the best of any situation that had the potential of setting me back.
This prep challenged me in some of the most stressful, beneficial, and motivational ways that I have experienced since taking up this sport. I laughed, I cried, I hurt, and I pouted. There were some weeks in relation to my personal and work/school life that I didn't know how I'd make it through them. I'll never forget one of these "stressful" and "depressing" days, I subconsciously brought all of it in the gym with me. It was the first training day out of the entire prep that I dreaded and didn't want to be doing. I remember texting my coach, Ryan that I had had a rough day mentally and that my deadlifts felt and probably looked like garbage. His response hasn't left my mind since, "If that's the attitude you're going to allow yourself to have, your performance will follow. Leave your life at the door. The gym is no place for that mentality." I was probably still feeling a tad sorry for myself so my only response was "yes sir." To which he followed with, "P.S. They look good. Quit treating yourself like a P.O.S. That frustrates me more than anything related to weights on a bar ever could. You are a ******* great person with a kind heart. Act like you know that and be proud of yourself." A light bulb turned on and this heavy mental barrier I had been holding on to felt like It came crashing down. I realized then and haven't forgotten since that I was and am the only thing that could stand in my way.
I (finally) grasp the belief that I am capable of doing anything that I set my mind to. It's not the passion, the desire, or the dream of accomplishing my goals that will get me there. It's the work, the consistency, and the patience that I can will myself for when/if I fail. Failing used to terrify me. Fear is an emotion and if I have learned anything of importance within the last year of training, it's that emotion cannot (or should not) exist in the mind of someone hungry to break their own barriers. As a naturally bred empath, compartmentalizing my emotions used to feel like an impossible task. Specifically in the gym, every time I ruminate in emotion or allow negative self-talk to linger after a failed lift, the rest of the training session will inevitably be ruined. Then ensues the cycle of self-implemented psychological abuse for allowing x, y, and z to effect the work I knew needed/wanted to be done. This obviously left me feeling hopeless and beyond frustrated. It wasn't until several sources of mentorship from my coach or close loved ones calling me out on my self-inflicting behaviors that set this "awakening" into motion.
Every time I shut off those voices and ignore the excuses I could make to give up, I almost always walk out of the gym that day with new knowledge and attitude to perform better the next time. It's all a matter of mindset and the action I am willing to put towards my passions.
Powerlifting isn't some measurement of quality of life. Lifting some heavy weight on a barbell in relation to my body weight doesn't make me a good person. I CHOOSE to compete and train my body to continually evolve. It's a privilege and quenches my competitive spirit. But none of this matters more than how I choose to treat/view myself and those around me. My attitude towards life and my relationships is the first and most important stepping stone towards achieving my goals both in and out of the gym. The more I believe in myself, the more useful I am towards taking care of my responsibilities and serving others. I love this sport for many reasons but the lessons I've learned about attitude have been the most eye-opening and humbling lessons yet. To say I look forward to what's to come would be an understatement. This is only the beginning.