Illinois State recap.

I was going to post the night of the meet but I decided to give it time to sink in to see how I really felt.

For the 1st time I was relatively calm, for me that's a big deal because I'm a head case. Weighed in at 329, which for a guy that used to weigh 455 isn't too shabby. This is also almost 20lbs down from my last meet in January.

I've struggled with my confidence in powerlifting from day 1. I attribute 50% to me and 50% to social media. It never fails, hit a squat p.r. and log on to see someone doing 200lbs more twice as fast. Hit a bench p.r. and some 17year old is doing it for sets of 5. That's definitely a kick but only because I allow it to be. I've said it for a while but finally started to believe that I didn't care, sure it's cool to see but in the end, who cares, I'm going to be selfish, I'm here for me. I didn't start this for anybody but me. Like a guy I train with says "I want to win but I want you to do good too, I just want to do ....anyway, motivational attempt over, on to squat. I opened with 590 which felt like paper, jumped to 650 which is 10lbs under a number that always crushes me and it flew up. 3rd was 680, which I didn't know about at all. I didn't know the weight until after I racked it. It was light on my back and moved easy. Bench attempts were 390/420/430. I had some pec tightness so we agreed to jump 10lbs and move on. Deads were worrying me because I already felt like I got hit with a truck. I pulled my last warmup at 535 and opened at 590. It moved faster than my 375 warm up and blew my mind. Jumped to 630 which also flew up, I counted on grinding out 620 so that was an awesome feeling. My handler and Dave confered a little and called my attempt (which happened on all my other lifts too) I like this because I don't have any confidence and both have the ability to gauge where I'm at very well. The weight was 650. I honestly thought it wouldn't move past my shins but it just kept coming and a lot easier than expected. I was stoked. 30lb lifetime and 50lb meet p.r. on squat. Matched my lifetime touch and go p.r. and got a 30lb meet p.r. on bench. Got a 35lb lifetime and meet p.r. on deads for a 1760 total which is a 170lb p.r.

I wanted to break into the 16's and maybe brush the 17's But was amazed that I went mid 17's. With some confidence an 1800 was there which is still unreal for me. The day was a total success 9/9 with 27 white lights. Dave programmed me perfectly and my training partner destroyed my knees and helped with my calls. I got to share the platform with some great people and see some good lifts and help some first time lifters. I got lifter of the meet which was great but none of that was the best feeling. Squat is my favorite lift and I got under and smashed 680lbs but I smashed it because I was scared, not of the weight but because of a 4year old sitting 15 feet from the mono yelling "go daddy!", which was followed by the words "your kid is watching this", smack instant tears and a feeling I've never felt before, I only had one option and it was to come up.

All in all, an amazing meet and afyerafter watching my lifts 2,000 times I've decided how I feel utterly furious with myself. I've told him 100 times but I know he'll read this, so Dave, thank you but let's get back to work, we've got some p.r's. To crush. Also big thanks to My handler/training partner Logan Leverett, he gives me a place to train and puts up with my complaining , thanks to Kyle and the rest of the Invictus crew for the support! Last but no least, thank you to my wife, she puts up with the long gym days and the bad attitude but pushes me just as hard.

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